There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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