I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
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