I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
