Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Randomize
