It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
