I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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