just tell him i said nine months
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
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Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
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It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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