I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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