Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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