She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
