U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
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