I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
