His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
