from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I could make wine with my vomit
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
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