she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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