I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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