He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
