I just cut my nipple shaving
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
