We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
