You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
