bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
