walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
