i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
