Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
