Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
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