I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
