He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
