I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
