I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
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