I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
