his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
My cat gives me a boner
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
