I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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