just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
