i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Randomize
