You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
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You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
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I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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