Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
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I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
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Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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