No stitches, just platelets and will power
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
