I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
