Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
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