Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
whose parrot is this?
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
