woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I party with great urgency now.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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