im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
