I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
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