Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
