Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Randomize
