the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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