She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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