the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
