I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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