We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
