Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
