Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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