i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I just blew my weed a kiss
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
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