The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
