I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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