1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
