is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
