the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
