I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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