I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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