the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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