Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
