The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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