i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
