I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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