I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
